If you’re a fear-driven parent, you could be leading you child down the very path you’re so desperately trying to avoid. Good news. There’s hope. Check out my article, Are You a Fear-driven Parent, featured on Crosswalk NOW, and discover practical tips for parenting by faith instead of fear.

I also want to add some parenting tips for guiding adult children.

This past Saturday, I had a radio interview with LuAnn and Friends on Encouragement Café. During the interview a caller expressed her grief over the choices being made by her adult son. She was also struggling with how to “parent” the situation. Here are a few tips I offered:

First, Stop Parenting Your Adult Child. Once your child reaches eighteen years of age, our parenting is done. Don’t misunderstand me. We can still guide our children just in a different way. We move from parenting to mentoring him or her. We offer advice and guidance when invited to do so. This is hard. I know. I’m a mother of a twenty-three year old. When he makes choices I disagree with or disapprove of, I want to rush in and correct him—sometimes even judge him. However, this only drives my adult child away from me—often pushing him to do the opposite of what I’ve suggested. We want to avoid this at all cost. The first step is realizing our relationship with our adult child has changed.

Secondly, Love Your Adult Child Unconditionally. You and I gain the right to mentor our child when we love them unconditionally. In fact, they will begin asking for your opinion instead of trying to avoid it when they trust that no matter what they are loved. Children are going to make mistakes in life. They will even sin and do things against God’s law—just as we have. Yet, when we sin, the bible says that nothing can separate us from the love God—NOTHING! (Romans 8:38) Thank God that His love is strong enough that nothing I do can destroy it. One very important truth we must never forget is--its love that draws us back to God.

Consider the adulteress woman. We know for certain that she was guilty because she was caught in the act. Did Christ judge her? Did He condemner her? No! He gave her what every heart needs…love and forgiveness. Then, after the woman was convinced of His love, he said—“Go and sin no more.” Christ didn’t come to excuse our sin but to restore the sinner.

There’s a pattern here we’d do well to follow as parents. Love no matter what (plus) forgive all (equals) the right to mentor.

Finally, Love Your Child Not Their Actions: When you and I maintain a healthy adult relationship with our child, we can influence them for good. If we write them off because they’re going against our beliefs, how can we be a voice of truth? How can we point them from darkness back to the light? We can’t. This means we need to be involved in their life. Take interest in their dreams and passions. Then, when a bad decision is made by your child, you’re present to hold them accountable.

One way to achieve this is by taking your child to lunch. Instead of pointing out what they’re doing “wrong” ask how you can pray for them. Share your heart. Perhaps you could share a similar story from your own life as to why you’re concerned. Ask if you can encourage them with scripture, resources, etc on the subject. If it’s something they really want to correct, ask permission to hold them accountable.

If you don’t see eye to eye, ask if you can share your convictions about why you’re against their choice or sin. Remind them that while you don’t approve of their choice and can’t be an active participant, you love them. Then, [THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT] find ways you can support your child and continue your relationship. It’s the only way you’ll be able to influence their life with truth.

You and I can and should also pray for our child. Pray that their eyes will be turned from darkness to light. Pray for their hearts to be turned toward God and His ways. Pray for godly mentors to come into their lives. Pray for experiences, songs, occasions that remind them of what’s right, good, pure, and noble. Then, trust that God is working behind the scenes on your child’s behalf.

"We all want freedom: political freedom, intellectual freedom, moral freedom. We want freedom from prejudice, freedom from ignorance, freedom from poverty. And we even search for religious freedom."

Read more for Billy Graham, click here http://www.billygraham.org/News_Article.asp?ArticleID=581&BA=1760&QR=116

Wishing you all a safe and happy 4th of July!

Both of my children came home from church camp spiritually renewed and on fire for God. The theme of this year’s camp was, “Crazy Love.” I can testify that they are both crazy in love with Jesus. They’ve been in this place before. Now, their biggest concern is staying in love.

We’ve all had mountain top experiences. They are wonderful. The downfall is maintaining what we’ve experienced on the mountain at home in the valleys of life. But the truth is we CAN stay passionate about God and continue to grow in our relationship with Him.

How? One way is to meet daily with God in His Word.

Hear me out. I know you’ve tried this before and perhaps feel like you’ve failed. Been there. I’ve also been on the other side and know that it’s doable as well!

I think what changed is how I approached my time with God. Instead of thinking of it like a religious duty, I began to consider the benefits:

…Blessings follow those who delight in God’s law; it’s how we come to know God and His ways; we gain wisdom and direction for living life; faith in God increases—just to name a few.

So allow me to give you a new perspective on how you approach reading your Bible.

1. Read it with Reverence: Begin by acknowledging God is God and there is no one else like Him. Remember that the words you read are from Him. They are not rules to follow, but love letters written to you, His child. Kneel before God in your heart. Be still and ask God to reveal who He is and what He wants to say to you.

2. Ask the Holy Spirit for Help: If you and I try to read the Word with our own understanding, we’ll miss the true meaning. God’s thoughts are higher than our thoughts. You and I can’t grasp the thoughts of God on our own. We need a helper and God has provided one—the Holy Spirit. In Ps 119, David asks the Spirit of God to open his eyes; to give him understanding; and to turn his heart toward God. We’d be wise to do the same. In fact, we’d begin to see new insights and develop a greater love for God and His ways. We’d see growth in our faith and obedience to His Word.

3. Read with the intention to keep God’s Word in your heart: In other words, live out what you learn. Apply it to your life. Crave its instruction. Obey its truths and mediate on them day and night. In order for God’s Word to truly influence our lives, we must think about it day and night. Then, we will be able to live like we’re on the mountain while in the valley.
Read Ps 119. Ask God to teach you to understand His Word and enable you to live it out. He will.

I love to hear or read about success stories, don’t you? I especially love a success story that involves secrets and mystery. It makes them all the more captivating and inspiring.

A few months ago, while sitting in the doctor’s waiting room reading a magazine, I came across such a story. The tale was about Carol Burnett and how this very successful comedian got her start in show business.

It was based on a spiritual principle.

“How can something based on a spiritual principle also be full of secrets and mystery,” I thought to myself. …But I kept reading.

Carol was a stage-struck drama student at UCLA living on hopes and dreams. Once the school year ended, one of her professors was leaving for Europe. He invited several of the students to his home to entertain his guest. Carol and one of the boys in her class performed a scene from Annie Get Your Gun.

Afterwards the students were invited to stay for dinner. While in line at the buffet, a man Carlo had never met before inquired about what she planned to do with her life. Carol responded.

“I hope to go to New York and make a career for myself on stage.” To which the man responded, “What’s stopping you?”

It was money, of course.

The stranger smiled and offered to lend Carol one thousand dollars. Suspicious of the man’s intent, she declined. The man quickly went away and then returned with his wife making the offer again. This time the stranger included three conditions.

First, if she met with success she was to pay the money back within five years.

Secondly, she was to never reveal his identify.

Finally, she was to pass the kindness on to another person in similar circumstances.

Carol took the night to think it over—feeling like the whole thing was a dream. By the next day, she accepted the man’s offer and took off for New York.

It was tough.

Without experience, she couldn’t get a job. Running out of money fast, Carol began to hound agents for work. Tired of her nagging, one of the agents suggested she put on her own show. That’s exactly what she did!

Carol gathered all her out of work friends and they put on a show that was written, orchestrated, choreographed, performed, and sung by each of them. The show ran for three nights. Almost everyone who was someone in New York came! It couldn’t have gone better.

The day after the show closed, Carol received job offers from three agents. That’s when the magical doors swung wide open and her successful career took flight!

Five years later, Carol paid back her sponsor. All these years she’s kept her promise too. Carol has never revealed his name. Nor has he revealed why he helped her as he did. Nevertheless, Carol learned a valuable, spiritual lesson that she would use the rest of her life—give in secret without seeking credit.

Hummm…that is a spiritual principle. The bible calls us to be kind to one another; to live generously helping our fellow neighbor. When we do, it comes right back to us. Perhaps not in the way we gave kindness, but in some form it comes back. I’ve experienced this truth in my own life—from both the giving end and the receiving.

Oh, yeah. What about the last stipulation? Does Carol help others succeed as she was helped? Well, that’s her secret, isn’t it?

Do you have a story about how someone’s kindness helped you succeed? Perhaps you were the kind person that helped another. I’d love to hear your story!

Within each of us is a God-given dream. My daughter is no different. From the time she was four years old, Peyton fell in love with the Asian culture. She loves the people, the clothing, the food, and on and on.

Peyton became aware of her beloved country when they studied it--along with other cultures- at Church. I thought it was a passing phase. As Peyton grew, so did her love.

For her sixteenth birthday, Peyton asked to redecorate her room--Asian style! It was a blast!

Our inspiration came from this fan hanging above her bed. We painted the room a grayish-blue color.
















I tried to give you an up close view of the fan...but...I couldn't figure out how to turn the picture around! I think you get it anyway.

















This is a photo of a few items that sit atop her bed side table.
















Here's a wide view including her bamboo window shade, lantern's, and screen.















Her grandparents purchased her new Asian style dresser and bed. It was perfect!















Peyton's teaching herself to speak the Japanese language. After she master's that language, she plans to learn Chinese, too! Why?

Peyton's been asking herself that question for a long, long time. Why would God put such a passion in her heart?

Peyton's still not sure. But she's preparing herself so that she'll be ready when God calls. In the meantime, Peyton continues to dream... often she shares her dreams with me.

"Perhaps I'll live in China and teach English to the students." Then, she always adds, "or, maybe I'll be a missionary!"

I've finally come to terms that my daughter's dream isn't just a passing phase. It's God-given. What I love about Peyton is she's not sitting by waiting on God's completed vision to become a reality. No. She's living the dream NOW--by filling her room with the things she loves, by studying the language and learning the about the culture. As she seeks God's director for her life, she's learning about Him, too.

My kid’s were looking forward to church camp this year. At our church, they take the Jr. High kids first, and then, the high schools kids attend the following week. Yesterday, my son came home and my daughter left for camp.
As a mother, there’s nothing I want more than to see my children devoted to and living for Christ! The teen years can be difficult on so many levels. One thing I’ve noticed about teenagers is under the pressure it’s hard to maintain a great relationship with God. My kid’s are no different. So, camp is a great time to pray for their spiritual renewal. Each year, God is faithful. This year something extra took place.

I’ve asked my son, Parker, to share his story with you.

“Well, I grew up in church. When I was in 1st grade, I invited Jesus into my heart during Vacation Bible School. Looking back, I didn’t really understand what I was doing. I was more or less doing what I thought I was supposed to do. While I love God and understand that I’m supposed to obey him, I always felt like something was missing. My relationship was more about me doing what I was supposed to do.

Then at camp, I began to relate to what pastor Brian was sharing on the third night of worship. The pastor talked about being a lukewarm Christian and how God hates lukewarm Christians so much so that he spits them out of his mouth. Pastor Brian told us that we are lukewarm when we put other things before God. I knew he was talking about me. My first love is sports, but not anymore.

As I sat there, I began to doubt my salvation. Questions ran through my mind like, “Did I really give my heart to Christ at 6 years old? Or, is it because I’ve not been living for God that I doubt my salvation?”

It was like pastor Brian was in my head. Next, he said that we could know for sure that we’ve been saved. Anyone who wanted to give their hearts and lives to God could do so right then. I did. Now I know I’ve been saved.
Oh, that thing that was missing was passion to live for God. Now, I want to put God first in everything. I don’t want to be spit out of his mouth. I want to be red hot for Christ.
They asked up to write down 5 names of friends we knew didn’t know Christ and commit to witnessing to them. I wrote down 20!”

All I can add to that is, PRAISE GOD!!! More than 150 kids committed their lives to Christ at camp. I’d say it was a glorious day in heaven and on earth!

Here are some fun photo’s of Parker at camp:









Worship










Parker's group. They survived the mud-pit!
Parker is 2nd from the right--standing










Boat races. Parker is on the left

I’m in the wait. The doctors still aren’t certain what’s wrong with me. As they take more blood from my veins to run more test, I’m tempted to worry. At times, I even grow anxious and frustrated about my future. Not knowing what illness I have, how to treat it, or how long it will last has me in constraints. I can’t plan for our family vacation. I’m not sure if I can travel with my son’s baseball team, and more. And yet, even though God isn’t saying what I have right now I trust He knows. The Lord also knows my future plans—plans to bring me good not evil. So, I rest in Him. I stand on that promise and I trust His Presence is with me as I wait in the unknown. In doing so, I have peace.

Living free from fear doesn’t mean you and I will not be tempted to worry. We will. But we don’t have to allow troubled times to rob us of our peace and joy. We fight the temptation to worry by trusting in God.

It seems I’m being asked to live out what I’ve written in my book, An Untroubled Heart.

"The fear of the unknown is not only nerve-racking, it can cause us to live on pins and needles as we spend precious energy anticipating the worst-case scenario. According to pastor and Bible teacher, David Jeremiah, a person who worries is living in the future. His mind is torn between reality and the possible. However, the future is unknown. We can’t control it. That’s why Jesus says three times in Mathew 5:7 “Do not worry.” When you and I are tempted to worry, we should heed Christ’s advice and not do it. Worrying won’t change the outcome. It only steals our peace. On the contrary, a lack of worry about the unknown future doesn’t mean that we are not concerned or that we don’t plan ahead. Carefree living is not the same as careless living. Still, while the future may be out of our hands, it’s not out of the hands of an adequate and trustworthy God. When we face a worrisome unknown situation, we can look to Joshua as an example.

It’s recorded in the first chapter of Joshua that before Moses died, God passed the baton of leadership to Joshua. The Israelites had been wandering in the desert for 40 years under the guidance of Moses. Now, their journey was almost over. Just beyond the Jordan River was their promised land—the land that God had guaranteed to Abraham and his descendants.

Joshua had some big sandals to fill, but God encouraged him by saying, “Be strong and courageous. Just as I was with Moses, I’ll be with you.”

Upon reaching the Jordan River, Joshua and the Israelites set up camp by the stream and awaited God’s direction. Much like their meeting of the Red Sea, God was going to have to make a way for them to cross over the river. On the third day, God told the officers to instruct the people that when they saw the ark of the covenant, to follow it because they had “never passed this way before” (Joshua 3:4).

You see, friend, God understands our fear of the unknown. He realizes that you may be in a situation that you’ve never passed through before and you’re afraid. It may be the first time you’ve been without employment. Maybe you’ve just been diagnosed with an illness or your child is in rebellion. You’ve never been down this road before and you don’t know which way to go or what to do. God will guide the way."

No matter what lies ahead, we are not going it alone. You and I have God's promised Presence to see us through.

If this has been true in your life, I'd love to hear your story!